Fantastic Foursome

The girls at school said 'Sue,
Don't ever settle for an egghead.
Sure he'll take care of you,
But he won't know a damn thing in bed.'
I didn't listen, 'cause I know our love would be Fantastic,
Now they're all bored and fat, and every night, I get ELASTIC.

He's so much better than double-jointed,
I've never once been disappointed,
And I say every good girl ought to have a genius...
Especially the kind with a PREHENSILE PENIS!

They think some big mistake
Led us to cosmic radiation.
I say 'Give me a break;
We did it for the new sensations.'
Sure, it seems kinky, but I like it superhero style,
I really mean it when I say he'll last a COUNTRY MILE.

He's so much better than poor Bruce Banner,
Don't need a macho man, give me a country spanner,
And I say every good girl needs to face the facts...
When they deny size matters, baby, SEND 'EM BACK!

        Johnny likes it hot
        And Ben can rock you slow and strong,
        But I like the guy I got --
        He likes to do it deep and LONG.

The girls at school said 'Sue,
Be sure you find a guy worth keeping.'
It wasn't hard to do;
Now we work out while they're still sleeping.
I like the science, and I like the boys who like to use it.
Call me a little odd, but when he's up, I won't REFUSE IT.

He's so much better than the Sub-Mariner,
Why drive a Tonka truck when you can try a Beemer?
And I say every good girl needs a guy like mine --
I didn't do what I was told and now I'm doing just fine.

Written on: 2007-04-02. Seanan McGuire